tonight, i discovered sth new abt him.

something totally new... ...



which explains everything.

i dunno if i shld b happy, sad, angry, or annoyed.
im just lost.
im at a loss.
i don't know what to do, i just don't know how to react.

yes. i teared.


i teared for him once again... ...



not because he made me angry.

but because he kept it from me.



we've been together for almost three years.
sometimes i just wonder,
what am i to him?

am i just there to call him every night?
am i just there to make him less lonely?
or am i only his friend?

the stress he's gone through, for almost ten years, he kept it from me.
im not upset that he kept sth from me...
but is it that im not worth sharing his sorrow?
or is it that im too childish for him?
what am i to him exactly?

i do not know.


could anyone just ask him that and tell me..?..



i shouldnt pick up his calls.
for fear that i may say sth wrong and hurt him.
the stuffs he went thru is much much more than what i expected.
behind his usual self,
there is actualli sth that all of us dunno.
it's deep down inside him.
he just wouldnt say.
he appears that cheerful, joker-ly, friendly, loving, sweet, nice... ...
it's fake.


he faked me for the past three years.



i noe he doesnt mean it.



but it hurts.


it hurts totally.


and it hurts badly.





i love him, alot.

yea, and this is what i'll do... ...

[[my fate]] [[my life]] [[my choice]] _________karyn pens her thoughts at__________; 6/08/2006 12:55:00 AM

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